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Rate my Cover Letter?

Category: Other

bohemianbirthbohemianbirth


Worked really hard on this. Hopefully it's not too short. Does it need more detail? I kinda like it. Although, I did score top 10% on a managerial aptitude inventory, I would like to put that somewhere....what do you think?

Subject: Experienced Health Consultant for ___________________

Dear Mr. ______________

Having exceeded sales goals and shown leadership abilities in all my previous positions and attaining my BS in Nutrition from Michigan State University, I am an ideal candidate

for ________ position at ______________.

My seven years of holistic health experience has given me in depth knowledge about health & wellness counseling, along with motivational, organizational and forecasting skills.

I would like to set up an interview to discuss the opportunity; my resume is attached. Should you have any questions, please feel free to call me at xxxx or email me at xxxx.

Sincerely,

xxxxx

Srinivasan
Srinivasan

I think your first paragraph has to be subtle and the tone of the letter should convey that you want to apply for XXXX position at XXXXXX and request them to consider your profile given your ....skills & abilities. People who are going to be receiving this letter may not really like someone telling them that you are an ideal fit and asking them to set up an interview to take it further.

jobbend
jobbend

Scale of 1 -10: 5

Cover letters should explain briefly and succinctly why a job is in alignment with your skills/background as well as why it's relevant to your career track. It should also tell them why you find their company interesting, not restate your resume.

A great cover letter also tells someone that you have done some research on the company. For example, if you have read that they publish nutrition research, explain that you find it important/interesting:

As I learned more about your company, I was interested to find that your research in nutrition is followed by (industry associations, universities especially if its MSU, trade associations, etc.). It's important work because...

Stating that you are an ideal candidate can backfire (big time) unless you know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are indeed the ideal candidate for:

1. the job

2. the company

3. the department.

Better to write: Based on the current understanding of your need, my prior success in sales and leadership experience, coupled with my BS in Nutrition from MSU are an excellent fit for XYZ company.

Lastly, your action statement could be stronger. Instead of I would like to set up an interview... Try:

Please contact me at xxx-xxx-xxxx or by email at xxx@xxx.com to set up a time to meet and learn more about my qualifications and fit for this position. I look forward to the opportunity to meet with you shortly.


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